The Irony

The irony is this: I no longer HAVE to blog, and here I am on a Friday morning writing. After all my moaning and resistance, I woke up mentally drafting a blog post. Yesterday I had an experience that had far more impact on me than I expected. I attended the dissertation defense of a colleague and friend.

I expected to come away with some schema of what a defense looks like. I had never attended one and had no idea. That has been the mode throughout this program. Each step is a new adventure. I don't know the lay of the land. But I did not expect to come away as inspired as I was. I knew my colleague would be well-prepared and articulate, but the scope of her study, the depth of her thinking amazed me.

I came away eager to get started on my own research. Up until now, I thought of this as something in the future, closely tied to my schedule of completion. I plan to finish in a year and a half. Eighteen months. Now, this time frame has become the structure to organize my thinking, my independent studies, my application to the coursework I have remaining. I have enough of an idea of my question that I will start today. Everything I do will focus on the end.

Eighteen months from now, I want to be doing whatever a doctoral student does when it is over. Sleeping in. Vegging out on a beach in the sunlight with an umbrella drink. Wondering what to do with all the extra time in a day. Looking out to the next adventure.

There is a quote that I don't have exactly--First you do, then you become. I had to blog before becoming a bolgger, and I will do it on my own terms. I wasn't a doctoral student until I had taken classes for a few years. We grow into what we do. I'm sure it has something to do with cognitive function--we build neuron paths that connect and help us be comfortable with a new behavior. Sometimes we resist. Sometimes it takes a push by a teacher or inspiration from a mentor. It may feel accidental in the beginning, but it becomes more intentional as time goes on.